Today begins a new feature on Wild Women Wisdom.  Inspired by Seattle street artist Kristina Cyr and her Iconic Women series, I now present Iconic Voices.  Iconic Voices will be a periodic feature of different guest writers.   In homage to Kristina, these guest writers all uniquely embody the “right to living the kind of life she dreams for herself”. Of course Wild Wisdom recognizes and reveres a man’s right to wildness too, so Iconic Voices is also actively looking for a few good men!

I am proud to present my inaugural Iconic Voice today,  Brianne Chavez.

Brianne is a dear friend and fellow depth psychology colleague living and doing good work in San Diego.  She walks her own example of the earth path, and has prepared thoughts on conscious sexuality as a woman in today’s society.  Enjoy!

The following self-reflection questions prompted this writing: What does it mean to be single and respectful of your self, to remain true to who you are? To be respectful of the other involved in the relationship? Sex is a human need that many people have different ideas about? What about my ideas drive my sexual behaviors? Sex as a soulful act guided by spirit.

Being a newly single woman I have been pondering over the way I now want to interact with the world. There are many emotions that come along with breakups. For me, some days there is a powerful grief and sadness over watching an intimate relationship transform, while others are filled with joy and liberation to have room to be my true self. The freedom to act in the ways that I am feeling without being scared or timid of being judged, the space to be the crazy, weird freak that I am and to be matched by weirdness is being true to myself. The ability to be honest with myself and to honor and seek my desires and wishes is being true to myself. So how do I do those things while respecting others and myself in the process?

I have often identified with the archetype of the temptress. The temptress is the sensual female who has the power to lure men with her playfulness and sexuality. Mythically she usually leads the hero or protagonist to their demise. All women have this in them, it is the ability to walk into a room and be able to attract the attention of every man. Her power is not pursuing men, but opening an invitation to a warm, comforting fire. I learned at a young age the power that comes with having this sexual, feminine energy and how to lure men in with it.  The skill and art I have been playing with is how to respectfully and intentionally use this fire within myself. I know that if I have my eye on someone I can get them, but the thing I need to listen to is if this man is good for me, and I for them.

A part of being respectful and intentional of how I use my energy is listening to my body’s reaction when meeting someone. In the past I have known that I had met someone who I was drawn to by a gut feeling in the core of my being. I feel this pull and attraction towards them that is undeniable. This is my soul speaking to me. The stirring of the unconscious as it reacts to another’s soul, another’s unconscious. Once felt, the conscious, or spirit drives the interaction. The urge to explore, to expand our understanding of life and other is spirit.

Therefore when I am single there is an inviting energy that I carry that attracts others with matching energies. Recognizing these energies and acting on them appropriately, while honoring the boundaries I have established for myself and those of other’s is essential to creating relationships. Part of this work is being honest. Truthfulness with words, actions, and feelings is the foundation to living a life that is true to myself, and consequently others in the process.