Beltane, if celebrated on the lunar-led earth path of the medicine wheel, is tonight.
Indo-european ancestors used to celebrate Beltane as the traditional start of summer.
Think fire, passion!! May Day, when maidens danced the Maypoles and the lusty earth was potent with the growing BLOSSOMS that at spring were birthed! When the ancestors used to make love and celebrate the union of romance and marriage, as well as the union of sun and earth that produced the fertility of crops every year.
What a special time to think of LOVE.
Agape LOVE. Unconditionally altruistic, life giving, accepting. Transformative. Eros love, the craving for union, the longing for self and other as One. DIVINE LOVE.
I start tending my “dark” side at Halloween. On the medicine wheel, I walk an embodied daily understanding of as within, so without, and vice versa. For me, this is the truest way to be in sacred relations to all of life.
What this means is that when the days darken, I tend the season of the dark. I take it as reality that from Fall Equinox onward, and especially when we reach November and the time changes, this is a time when I am closest to my own interior darkness.
Recall (from Wild Women Wisdom, Ovulation and the Active Imagination, Nov 13, 2014) that the psyche projects its earliest understanding of dualistic thinking. Dualism is self and other. Think as well of opposites, mom and dad, good and bad, right and wrong becomes internalized as the right worldview. Good behavior is behavior that gets positive feedback so all else is bad behavior. This becomes an unconscious way we relate to the world!
Dualism is the nature of consciousness. Carl Jung deepened our modern understanding of this by helping us realize that what we are conscious of, our thoughts and feelings that we can see or name, has a compensatory opposite energy too that we can’t or don’t. He called this our shadow.
Basically, what we associate with as bad we will stuff into our shadow, where it dominates the unconscious. In this way, what we don’t work out will get acted out. Or as Jung said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
Tonight, and in general what is peaking or being brought to the light right now, is related to your conscious or unconscious experiences from late October onward.
One of the reasons (from Wild Women Wisdom, Wildness on the Full Moon Tide, Jan 5, 2015) women repress their strength or natural association with the realm of the feminine godhead (and therefor with the realm of the collective unconscious) is because we in Western society esteem a male God. Meaning the feminine has been relegated to the shadow.
The feminine, however, was at one time divined among many other aspects through menstrual mysteries.
During the 14th and 15th centuries 9 million women burnt at the stake because of a document known as the malleus maleficarum which associated menstrual mysteries with being a witch (see Shuttle and Redgrove’s (2005) The Wise Wound for more info.)
Inherent feminine wisdom, or the biological fact that we are cyclical and rhythmic just as the moon and the sun, the seasons and the tides, had to be buried deep within the collective psyche. It was demonized or repressed, which means shamed to the extent that rhythmic knowledge of one’s own psyche either as a female, or in regards to anima or feminine instincts, became associated with Satanism!
Lets consider more closely the archetypal mind of the Goddess, or the feminine divine, as a counterpart to the more known and illumined God. The Goddess oversees the realm of dark, night, intuition, death and rebirth (because the female rules the women’s mysteries, of which birth is one) receptivity, and on a more temporal or practical level, emotions, though that is equally an embodied male or animus or egoic part of the process as well (see Ann Ulanov’s interpretation for more on this.)
Bessel van der Kolk is a doctor who coined the term developmental or complex trauma. This is when the nervous system experiences normalized, environmental traumas like untreated substance abuse in the family, domestic violence, or poverty, among other things.
I would like to suggest that the wound of the feminine, or the collective suppressing of the power of the feminine, is an untreated complex trauma in society at large.
In my own experience, healing it means healing the wound of, in Erich Neumann’s words, the patriarchal uroboros in the feminine psyche.
Uroboros is the snake eating its own tail. Think about it. If the feminine’s strength is the darkness, and the darkness is also what’s been demonized both through the repression of feminine instinct as well as as the demonization of dark as wrong or bad, well then. That’s kind of a problem that, like the uroboros, is self-perpetuating.
This Beltane my dear friends, WRITE ON YOUR HEART A COMMITMENT TO YOURSELF TO LOVE YOURSELF WHOLE AGAIN: Shame shames shame. The shame cycle is part of the nebulous core of almost all complex traumas. SHAME SHAMES SHAME. This is the patriarchal uroboros.
Begin within. Healing is about awareness, keeping right relations within by starting to love yourself by being with exactly how you are feeling right now. Healing is about softening, utilizing the Wise self to be with, to accept what is right now. To accept unconditionally gives us the choice to Love. To serve and to create union with the shadowed aspects that the Full moon illumines.
At Beltane, let us align our Wise selves with the sacred heart of Divine Love inside of each of us, and transform shame. Healing is not so much an action plan as a way in which we learn to unconditionally accept and relate to our self.
This be my prayer for us all!
The dark is the power of the feminine, as death is the power of life.
The dark moon, before she peaks. This is the feminine in her essence. Without the light of the sun, which is the light we see nocturnally reflected at us via La Luna, she is who she is. NO MASKS. Nothing but herself to feel, to witness, to be with, to see.
Take heart dear friends, tonight’s New Moon will move us finally into a real initiatory feeling of light and movement. Some of this tension–WHICH lS THE TENSION OF BIRTH, WHICH IS THE MEDICINE OF SPRING—birth comes not easy, now! Do not quit!! will be surpassed by the new life bubbling within.
But you must claim it. You must set out for it, you must take up, on your behalf, your own fight.
For your light. Your heart. Your soul. Your LIFE.
Trust the flow. Take quiet time right now, dark moon is the most powerful time to get still, to go within.
Be gentle with what is, with what you see or feel there.
This be my prayer~~
Happy new moon friends!
The last thing there is with ease is craziness in this world.
Here in the house of my grandparents where only my mom and dad now live it is dark, far darker than any other place I’ve ever been. That includes both sets of coastal mountain regions where I’ve been lucky enough to stay, over on the upper half of the west coast. Winter comes darker here in this pine-shrouded place mere miles from Ma Atlantic, in a way that’s way darker than anywhere else in my world. It is, this trip, a darkness of peace. So too this wild shining full moon: this bolt of truth-light lit up around the seeds that fell under winter-solstice’s new moon.
Wild-eyed, moony vision, passions elemental in precision, lifeforce stirrings in pine-wind and starlight. Crazyyy. I used to call such potency “Mad-Poet Vision”. Nods to the tribe who hold the line of such teachings: my name or words for this derive from Allen Ginsburg’s studies of poet-ecologist Gary Snyder, who brought the teachings back from the monks in Japan. It is, condensed, what Ginsburg taught eventually as First Thought, Best Thought.
To infiltrate the yak yak of the linear, egoic (or “male” animus mind), we allow the wild stirrings, the deeper impressionistic vibes that are psyche’s messengers to have their way.
We have been programmed, in part from societal conditioning, to believe these are two different energies and that the one that is personally predominant is such according to your gender. In truth they are a continuum of single energy manifested as receptive or active depending on your state of consciousness. Every man is intuitive and receptive and every woman is thought-driven and purposeful, or so do we each have these capacities.
One of the reasons women repress their strength or natural association with the realm of the feminine godhead (and therefor with the realm of the collective unconscious) is because we in Western society esteem a male God. The feminine, however, was at one time divined among many other aspects through menstrual mysteries. During the 14th and 15th centuries 9 million women burnt at the stake because of a document known as the malleus malefic arum which associated menstrual mysteries with being a witch. (see Shuttle and Redgrove’s (2005) The Wise Wound for more info.) Thus inherent feminine wisdom had to be buried deep within the collective psyche, so that it is demonized or repressed and therefor shamed to the extent that rhythmic knowledge of one’s own psyche either as a female, or in regards to anima or feminine instincts, became associated with Satanism!
Diane diPrima, the female contemporary of the above fellows, brought her esoteria more home to her own experience. Also entering the door via studies of Eastern cosmology, diPrima discovered the archetypal mind of the Godess, or the feminine divine. To work more closely with this metaphor, as a counterpart to the more known and illumined God, the Goddess oversees the realm of dark, night, intuition, death and rebirth (because the female rules the women’s mysteries, of which birth is one) receptivity, and on a more temporal or practical level, emotions, though that is equally an embodied male or animus or egoic part of the process as well (see Ann Ulanov’s interpretation for more on this.)
It makes sense that 50’s gnosis would seek Eastern tradition for enlightenment, in that it was an overt response to the subversive tactics of the US Government during the McCarthy era, a time which saw people like Ginsburg and Leroi Jones (who became later known as Amiri Baraka) on trial for obscenity in their poetry. To quote a line of diPrima’s Rant, THE ONLY WAR THAT MATTERS IS THE WAR AGAINST THE IMAGINATION/ALL OTHER WARS ARE SUBSUMED IN IT (sic). To keep a people anesthetized on the illusion of Descartes self-vs other (embodied hate projected outwards) is the best way to keep them from opening the door to explore that our complexes begin, and can be transformed, from within. Eastern tradition introduced these 50’s rebel poets to the concept of non-dualism.
So it is that first thought, best thought was born. Jack Kerouac actually took this concept and re-visioned what the modern novel could be–allowing for a trance-like, ecstatic spiral stream of consciousness to penetrate the tops layers of personality into the more free-associative realms of the deeper psyche. This is first thought, best thought: to follow the flow of the psyche in image, sensation, words, sounds, and to not resist what it arrives with or where it leads. To especially have no plan, but, as in the case of the writer, to be a channel for and follow the words. It is, throughout this act, how the artist speaks for the society by wheeling deeper and deeper into the collective unconsciousness and bringing out more and more to the host of light, or animus/ego-consciousness.
I learned almost all of this information in books, long before I went to an Institution to study it. In fact, I had to skip school this past weekend out of reverence for the holy Poetry first thought best thought mad-eyed seeing in the dark vision. Despite my school’s worldly attempt to foster an environment that esteems Hillman’s non-literalization of the image, the final point is if you study this stuff too much instead of trying to live it–to actively dance the day with the doors of the psyche open and free–you deaden the archetypal mind. You Kill the Soul.
So it is, this moon brings me to mind of the celebration of the Tribe of the Wild-Eyed. Those of us out there being it. Surrendering, again and again, all ideas in favor of the WILD, in favor of the psyche, the inner Nature, the Soul. May the outward full moon light, symbol of consciousness and focus, of male-orientation (the full moon reflects the light of the sun!) which shine-throttled through your personal dark all weekend long and likely stirred the wildinnereyes! Guide you inward and through doing so, help you re-relate. As always my prayers are that you re-relate in gentleness and love. May this moon light be ecstatic vision, may your trust in it be as strong as my reverent love for it. May it guide you ever home.
If there’s anything to learn from diPrima and her tribe, it is that the Wild Eyed Vision, the embodiment of psyche and soul, the interchanging dance of male/female within, can happen no matter who you are.
But let it happen. That’s the work. It takes practice to return. Again, again, again.
May we have no fear of the dark, and not hide the crazy that comes with it, that we’ve all been taught to fear~
Today’s New Moon, around 5:30pm in California, marks the end/start of a new cycle. In addition, this evening the sun reaches its furthest point from the earth’s Northern hemisphere, granting the shortest amount of daylight, the longest amount of darkness, and our entry in to winter. We know this as the Winter Solstice.
On the mystery path, we recognize Nature and inner nature as intrinsically connected. Inner nature I refer to here as soul. Outside, excess harvest has gone to rot, the rot turned under will cook and turn to nutrients and rich soil. Life energy wanes, appears still, happens mostly underground.
When the moon is dark, as in the past two days, deep tending of personal darkness happens naturally, rhythmically…Of course as we are human we resist this though! Which lends even more to that holiday feeling of restlessness and exhaust. Seek surrender, embodiment of emotions, of our up down waxes and wanes, soften unto you. With the apex of Night this evening, understand that we have walked hand in hand with our shadows, burrowed deep in the mire of our individual and collective unconscious, all week.
Last night was, literally, the Dark Night of the Soul.
Harried bones and souls seek solace right now, a soul-tired significant of the Sun’s long journey to the furthest axis of sky. Depending on your personal circadian cycle, maybe you do best in the dark! For some this becomes the most creative time of year. For others life energy wanes and increased rest is important. No matter what, the decrease of light has its effects.
Traditionally the Solstice was a time for the women to gather and ceremoniously mark the losses they experienced for the year. As the soul wanes, this is a traditional and normal aspect of the dark phase–acknowledgment of the areas where your inner self or soul is colored by its capacity to grow and integrate more wholly specifically because it has experienced pain. With loss comes the embodied experience of forgiveness, strength, compassion, hope. Ritual bathing, quiet honoring of the journey of this year and your own personal darkness, honoring of the power of death and dark as part of the sacred journey are all intrinsic to the Solstice. On the wisdom path we practice this dropping in and tending with every monthly aspect of the dark moon.
Take heart! Life is a continuum, a long spiral. The Winter Solstice, just as the moon in her new phase, marks the return of the light! Tonight we honor Hope, the return of life. In her darkest phase (the past two days) when life energy and light disappear, it is out of this momentum that the new spark of consciousness stirs. This most precious spark must be nurtured, held warm in hibernation now through the toil of the season of dark. Doing so is how the momentum for life will grow strong. Rest, tend quiet in an active way. The beingness of doing nothing, of activeness of waiting, yearning, and tending. The active embodiment of Hope.
My own embodiment of this path brought me in relation to a personal and ancestral archetype this year. Tending her has been difficult, painful, and deeply wholesome. She has helped me nurture Eros by bringing me to face my most fundamental wounds. This has helped me, most importantly, to understand that I judge and resist my own injured parts, and it is the judging and resistance that makes me most human. As always, wisdom begins here, with deep love, and gentle, unconditional acceptance for these hard, rigid judgy parts inside my own mind and heart. Unconditional love and acceptance for my own broken humanness. Right relations begin within.
To be in a harmonious way with these most shadowed, or disembodied parts of me that I seek to hate or judge, I made the top shelf of my alter an homage to my Ancestresses this week. These women, my grandmother on the side of my most familial wound specifically, became the living spirit of the dark goddess. Grammy is gone from this life, and in death I can recognize in an embodied way the wisdom of loss and how we grow and learn in perspective to this. This sort of dark tending makes the women’s work come alive for me in an incredibly sacred and day to day way.
Tending the sacred with personal sacraments like these extend into my daily life and all my relationships. This is what I mean by embodying and right relations.
Sleep now the dream of winter, hibernate as souls stir underground, in the void, and grow strong in their own essence by being held amid the winter still. Sleep, sleep, sleep. Love, accept, gentleness.
Rest well, honoring the rhythms of birth and growth and life and death and rest, until rebirth. Happy Solstice! Happy Sacred Return.
Valkyrie, at my alter. Norse Death Goddess; image by Susan Seddon Boulet
Dualistic, or Self Verses Other, Thinking
We got here to this beautiful earth handed down human from human, parent to parent, earth to foot to heart to head, and back again.
We suffer a single wound through which all else arises and which, for centuries, has been largely misunderstood and thus continually misrepresented. This wound is the wound to self or soul. Recognizing it as the blessing through which we are meant to evolve into our real, authentic self is a new way of seeing I encourage!
The psyche projects today its earliest understanding of dualistic thinking. Mom and dad, good and bad, right and wrong becomes internalized as the right worldview. Good behavior is behavior that gets positive feedback so all else is bad behavior. This becomes an unconscious way we relate to the world!
The number one symptom of an individual acting this out is do do do, keep going stay busy and there’s not enough time. To slow down, to live moment to moment, to embody soul feels wrong. Why is that? Because to slow down means sitting still with the internalized belief system that we are actually bad or wrong. Which is human nature. Christian mythology named it original sin.
“Fundamentalisms,” said depth and ecopsychologist Craig Chalquist, “flourish as eradigms end because people caught in and psychologically fused with familiar modes of thought and habit fight to avoid changing them.” He is speaking of the industrial-era, mechanistic belief system that esteems dualism. Dualism underlies what depth, eco-critical feminists like Christine Downing or Susan Rowland called antithetical thinking or binary thinking. This is the idea of self being separate from all other reality, rather than a point of reference amidst an autonomous sphere of which all of life is a part. It sets up all base conflicts in existence, for example: if this is right for me than when you do it differently it must be wrong. Which is the basic drama of childhood: reward for right behavior. Creating an unconscious association of what is wrong…
As societies we create entire social systems out of this misconception. It’s what happens when we cannot see life as a continuum of constant flow and creation, and our role as conscious creator inside of that.
Again, this sort of thinking arises out of our earliest internalizations of opposites, and concretizes around age 2 or 3 when we understand that I and my caregiver are separate, too. Now man against man, man against woman, black against white, rich against poor, man against self thinking sets up. Internalization of getting positive attention from the Other as confirmation for Self as Right sets up a lifelong tension, meant to be the doorway to the authentic self. Jung called this creation of the persona. Taking on the tension of the opposites, doing the work of self verses other, is how to individuate. He said that individuation is our true life’s work. To become who we really are.
Embodying the female menstrual cycle means seeking inward to the autonomous place from which Self arises for confirmation of our Life. The menstrual cycle teaches life embodiment in the series of different energies that rise and fall throughout the month. These phases of female biology move back and forth from being the subject, or in control during ovulation; to being receptive or the object, at the mercy of a larger biology (the right brain) during the second half or post-ovulation. The cycle embodies the deep knowing that we are life-givers, and too experience death or loss as part of the perpetual circle of life. This is supported chemically by the hormones that are released. It is proven that the hemisphere’s of the brain stimulate differently according to where a woman is–hence the energy moves between the lobes of thought driven or creatively intuitive. Women’s biology is equipped to learn inter-lobal being, or heal the damage of the split in the self.
The wound of soul is the wound of being split off from the autonomous, uncalculated depths of wholeness and endless continuum of life.
At ovulation, for women who suffer this soul-split within, it is likely that the old, internalized beliefs about what is right or wrong, what writer Julia Cameron called the Critic, will start to play through her head. This is because the psyche, at ovulation, prepares the body to create new life. So too new ideas are stimulated, new energies that draw us outward in a motivated, excited way…just as the cycle of growth in Nature or the phases of the moon teach. All is connected. But if the psyche, as most if not all do, has that split of internalized good and bad that is not being gently, daily tended and worked out, than ovulation can be a time of unnamed sadness or frustration. It is literally the wound of soul trying to create itself anew but being stopped by the old beliefs that our true inner life and instincts that arise from within are wrong.
I know I am living in an embodied way when what Jung called active imagination, or fresh thoughts, ideas, literal images in my head or energetic new thoughts or words or poems are pulsing during ovulation. I know I am honoring my truth, living my rich life in a present way from day to day. I identify with this knowing as a feeling of being rooted deeply in the relational: when I show up first to myself and it is a buoyant joy to do so. From this joy space I can then use me as witness to see what is going on in psyche. In this way I recognize that from within I am both subject and object. I see myself, and can see that I am doing the seeing. In doing so I have a choice as to how I relate to me, to the “otherness” that I label or experience as good or bad, from within. The choice is showing up with love and gentleness, compassion. Whatever the tapes that play, the feelings or beliefs or thoughts that flow from me and that I judge or repress by not looking at them, judge or repress according to old associations of good or bad. I show up to me and witness this inside, with love and acceptance. This keeps me present throughout the day. This softens the split. This heals. It’s quite simple. I am healing the wound of self/other thinking by choosing to honor and fuse both within. The heart is where this fusion lay.
Active Imagination at ovulation is a powerful archetypal tool. Work with this can open our life to deep psychic mysteries. In my experiences, the symbology at this time, and coming into relationship with it, can introduce us to generational and lineage themes that underlie our entire family pattern. This is a rich and in-depth way to approach our life, our play, our being, our work. Our true self.
Such amazing life this is. So many, many tools and riches. Begin, within!
And it is here: heart of summer, hearth of soul.
I am ovulating, or pre-ovulation, which as a woman I know means I am at the height of my vitality. I am sparkling, vivacious, full of energy and ideas and intuitive, big-eyed ideas that seem to naturally connect like a live line of fire sizzling through me. My body, my very being is readying to give life, and as I enter ovulation my whole being reflects this aspect of me. What is ripe in me, of me, prepares itself…these energies are real and whole with or without making an actual child. My being offers forward to the world the most fertile forms of me still yet to be.
Because I work consciously with these energies in me, in a way that has been explorative and mindful of the women’s work for many years now–I understand that there is no separating out the parts of me that are blind, repressed, or numb to this knowledge. That in fact, right along side the ovulation-power within me comes too the social, familial, and ancestral programs of my Psyche, the stories that tell me this true, authentic power and feminine strength is poison, bad, wrong. Such an important part of the women’s work is being mindful of these stories or tapes in my head, how and where they play in my body, and how I shut down or close my eyes to them. Meeting these shadows with love, gentleness, and true compassion for my self is such a deep and important part of my work.
This week also brings us to what I will call Full Growth moon. This is my name for the cycle that comes after Summer Solstice. Honoring the cyclical way in which our bodies, as women, follow the tide and chart of the larger ecological systems from which we come, and to which we will return grounds us in wisdom: rather than dominion over Nature, spiritual, psychological, and even scientific traditions teach that we as humans actually share an exact reflection of life’s larger, ecologically natural nature. When we enlarge our way of being and seeing to encompass this wider understanding, symbolism can inform us and help make real the wisdom work of our soul’s path.
So it is that we consider–the first moon cycle of summer makes its way towards full this weekend. Full Growth moon cycle–if we have been mindful of our cycles we know well what we are growing, and have worked to be in flux with the natural forward flowing, regressing ebbing of the tides of life. The moon is a symbol of our soul, for which our psyche is the vehicle of communication. Psyche speaks in voices, the many voices of which our Ego is only one. It also speaks in images–those mind pictures you see vividly, suddenly, OR an artistic image that stops your tracks out in the world. This might be in the form of a commercial which speaks to you, a line from a song that wont leave you. Maybe a tree or bird that grabs your attention on the way home from work.
This week, as the Full Growth moon shines brighter and brighter, all around we actually see this pure and potent physical growth in the natural world. The images are strong! What images come forth from you, your soul right now under this clear light? What images in the world around you are really alive and personal for you? If, like me, your are entering your pre and ovulation phase, it is such an exciting time to be open-eyed, mindful of the inter-connecting web, the mystery of how the inside life and outside life reflect each other. What a holy and sacred relationship, this creative dance! The women’s work reminds us that we get the choice to be mindful in how we show up to it.
This is the week of the year that your own growth–or in other words, what it is that is meaningful and real to you and wants to be, or maybe has just been manifested !!–and is prevalent and on display. Witness it! Take time to be reflective and remember you have a choice to do so. What life are you growing? How are you nurturing the fertility cycles of your own soul? If you are ovulating this week, the work you put in will really show itself in the world under the full moon of August–first Harvest Moon. By then, as the tide begins to change and the light of growth begins to wane, we will turn the discussion more towards how to nurture your bounty, harvest seeds from it, and plant them deep in the psyche in the unconscious darkness, to prepare for rest and nurturing in the year of growth to come….
Happy Full Growth this week, with love.
Two Thursday’s ago, in the low, monastic candle-lit room here in the hobbit house in the canyon wall, I prepared wordlessly for an important initiation. Not that of an ancient rite or mysterious sect. To all appearances, in fact, it was little more than a scholastic necessity. I prepared to drive to Santa Barbara, to take and pass my clinical oral exams as a counseling depth psychologist.
I made my rounds about my sweet space, in and out in measured scurry. Returning to my front door from my compost out under the deck, I stopped in an almost trip, fell into immediate silence, and pause. Beetle was at my entry. Sacred Scarab.
What a harbinger this was, and my body knew it, the way it responded deep in my blood. A subtle entrancement, the kind that comes from awareness–in a daily, cultivated way, of reverence for a deeper appreciation of life and its meaningful ways.
Should we choose this deeper awareness, this open and ongoing relationship with all things, it is always there to engage us.
Perhaps this alone is the women’s work. A reverent, open-hearted awareness, cultivated, of the multitude of depths and meaning to behold in this mysterious place. With the passing of the exams, a knitting together came for me. All those life moments that have led me here, to California where I’ve surrendered to my calling. Of studies of the women’s psyche and soul, of the meanings and passings of this being human thing, of the nature of Nature. All the things I said goodbye too, an accounting of each and every loss, and simultaneous blessing that resulted, on the journey that led me to the Rite of passing those exams.
Sacred Scarab, who represents the end of an old way of being.
She showed up last night, again. I’ve had no previous experiences with her until these last two weeks. Buzzing around my head as soon as I turned the light off in my bed. I am touched by what the significance of her timing today means. In deep and worshipful awe, arms open heart wide, I am willing to say YES. And to also embrace the necessary, accompanying goodbyes.
My second half started yesterday–the reflective part of my cycle, post-ovulation.
It is amazing–suddenly I am different woman, unknown to myself or at least in context of the “committed to her work and firey with creative projects rebel grl” of the past several weeks.
Today me, she just wants depth. She has neeeeds. Clings to, craves for, saturation. Candles burn, incense, time to breathe deep, still, pray. The wholeness of her, my body, this body, to stretch, to feel deeply, my flesh and blood like a sponge. How suddenly it all extends out of me, as one…And in towards me, the relationality of ALL.
Tuesday’s are usually my creative day because long ago I understood, and have since fought hard to maintain the wisdom: if I want to be full-bodied and give my most in the rest of my life, I need a day to nurture my creative side… But today that felt exhausting. And I have also long, hard-learned that approaching the creative side with force, rational, or logic, with the left-brain do do do, is detrimental. Is crippling to me. Is crippling to you.
So other than this post, what I give Her, me, this day–is time. I give her honor, I give her This Day. Sweet, subtle, essential time. Of the kairos variety, not chronos. Kairos–to simply be. What I require, a non-negotiable, to recharge.
Take yourself seriously. All parts of you. This is the message of soul today. This is the second or dark half, the message of Her.
Anyway, gotta go. The blue sky is calling me for a bike ride, to go pleasure read in some treasury, nook-y spot, special in town. xoxo
Here’s some Feist, too, a song that I feel, that feels me, all mixed up as one, in the spongy-love moon-body of bones and blood and breath and skin. Of love.
It was an enormous honor to receive this, (heee heee–especially the teary, blessed additional news it had to announce!!) yesterday in the mail.It is a deep and incredible honor to be engaged in this level of intimate body work. Thank you so much to Kristina Cyr, of Kristinaartist.com, and the Iconic Voices Portrait Series, for her vulnerability in sharing the following…
Kelly introduced to me to Women’s Moon Cycling Work about eight months ago. We had spoken about her being a personal coach to me of some sorts. I had shared with her my pretty negative experiences with coaches in the past; and to some extent she had shared that her most potent role in my life could be one that helps me to become aware of my own personal cycles rather than a personal coach. So from there, for me, and for us, it took the “superior power” role, “I know and you don’t” or “that’ll be $10,000 please” out of the whole process. She returns it to the sacred feminine, collectively as women, reclaiming that spirit together.
Kelly had suggested to me to start journaling everyday. Just a little something, whether that be a doodle, sketch, picture, image, writing…whatever it was; just something to document, so that I could go back and start to become aware of patterns within my moon cycle.
The process for me at first was very sporadic, only journaling about a handful of days a month, but by the time I had hit month five and six. I was on it. I was journaling a little something everyday, and if I forgot on a couple of days, I would say, “Didn’t journal these days.” Or I would recall the important things that I could from those days. And patterns did start to emerge.
Later on in our work, around the same time as month five and six, Kelly and I started working together on a monthly basis. She shared so many incredible insights about being a woman, and our cycles, that I hadn’t known before or had read, seen or heard from any other resource. Kelly had asked me, “Are there times in the month when you just feel wildly creative and you just have all this energy and you can get a bunch of stuff done, and the writing pours out of you along with the insights. You can’t write as fast as the insights are coming to you?!” I said, “Yes!” And then she said, “Do you also have times in the month where you find it more challenging to do creative projects, like a creative block and don’t go out, and are more introverted?” And I said, “Yes!”She told me that’s how it is supposed to be. Kelly shared with me what she had learned and that as women we do have creative cycles and reflection cycles within our monthly cycle. It was also during this time that I had learned through my work with Kelly that the second half of my cycle is shadow time. And what that means to me is that there are some less than desirable characteristics, thoughts, feelings and traits that come to the surface and rear their little heads during the second half of my cycle. But with Kelly’s help I began to learn that this second half of a woman’s cycle, is a time that we have the opportunity to heal whatever is coming up and holding us back in life. A lot of that for me is healing around my ancestral lineage. And I have struggled with suicidal thoughts off and on since I was 14. I didn’t know that suicidal thoughts were a symptom of PMS until I started working with Kelly. And just coming to that awareness healed a bunch within me. I used to think something was wrong with me, but now I do see that my hormones are pretty intense and that having suicidal thoughts were natural. As cliche as that may sound, it took the significance out of these suicidal thoughts and began to diminish them greatly, which is a huge sense of freedom. I continue to speculate that the suicidal thoughts around my moon cycle has to do with me healing my past woman, ancestral line. The women on both sides of my family were disempowered in many ways, but particularly on my mother’s side, they were disempowered from expressing and exploring their creativity due to the men in their lives. I speculate my suicidal thoughts, that are related to my hormones around my moon, has to do with just that. And now I am aware that I do have the opportunity to continue to heal that energy seven generations back.
It is very challenging to put into concise words what my work and very little time spent working with Kelly has done for me. It has absolutely empowered me as a woman and I have accessed more self-love and gentleness with myself, especially around the time of my moon because it is not easy for me, but she helped me become aware, that it’s ok; and just because something is not easy doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with me. I have come to realize that if I was in charge of the world, women would not have to work during their moon each month, and there would be feminine supplies in every bathroom, it’d be a legal requirement as it is for handicapped stalls! I would also give pregnant women time off from the moment they know they are pregnant, if they choose, and give them 2 years maternity leave. What I have learned from Kelly is that she has brought me back to Sacred Women’s Wisdom. That there is Sacred Women’s Wisdom in our cycles and we are so much more powerful and have worked through very difficult times in our lives. Women are naturally warriors…..
Lastly, I felt like I was back in control of my life and body with knowing and being aware and consciously ebbing and flowing with my cycle. It made life much easier. To the point, now when one of my girlfriends is having a bad day I ask, “Do you have your period?” So far I have received 100% feedback of that being the case. So, if you are struggling in your life, I invite you to work with Kelly to become more aware of your natural ebbs and flows in your own cycle. With the great words of Jon Kabat-Zinn, “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” Kelly has taught me to metaphorically surf.
One more point I’d like to make. With my work with Kelly, I had my cycle calculated down to the day. I am a 28 day cycler. Consistently, on the dot. Because of my work with Kelly I was able to identify that I was pregnant after being only three days late on my moon. It didn’t come on the Friday like it was supposed to, I was alarmed right away. By that Sunday I took a pregnancy test, and sure enough, I am pregnant. I am currently almost 8 weeks along and look forward to a new journey with learning this brand, new cycle. (But I definitely miss the knowing of my cycle when I am not pregnant!) Surprise Auntie Kelly!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 xoxoxoxo