period cycles

My second half. Suddenly I am different.

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My second half started yesterday–the reflective part of my cycle, post-ovulation.

It is amazing–suddenly I am different woman, unknown to myself or at least in context of the “committed to her work and firey with creative projects rebel grl” of the past several weeks.

Today me, she just wants depth.  She has neeeeds.  Clings to, craves for, saturation.  Candles burn, incense, time to breathe deep, still, pray.  The wholeness of her, my body, this body, to stretch, to feel deeply, my flesh and blood like a sponge. How suddenly it all extends out of me, as one…And in towards me, the relationality of ALL.

Tuesday’s are usually my creative day because long ago I understood, and have since fought hard to maintain the wisdom: if I want to be full-bodied and give my most in the rest of my life, I need a day to nurture my creative side… But today that felt exhausting.  And I have also long, hard-learned that approaching the creative side with force, rational, or logic, with the left-brain do do do, is detrimental.  Is crippling to me.  Is crippling to you.

So other than this post, what I give Her, me, this day–is time.  I give her honor, I give her This Day.  Sweet, subtle, essential time.  Of the kairos variety, not chronos.  Kairos–to simply be.   What I require, a non-negotiable, to recharge.

Take yourself seriously.  All parts of you.  This is the message of soul today.  This is the second or dark half, the message of Her.

Anyway, gotta go.  The blue sky is calling me for a bike ride, to go pleasure read in some treasury, nook-y spot, special in town.  xoxo

Here’s some Feist, too, a song that I feel, that feels me, all mixed up as one, in the spongy-love moon-body of bones and blood and breath and skin.  Of love.

Unlocking Her Mystery: Seattle street artist Kristina Cyr, on working with her creative cycles

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It was an enormous honor to receive this, (heee heee–especially the teary, blessed additional news it had to announce!!) yesterday in the mail.It is a deep and incredible honor to be engaged in this level of intimate body work.  Thank you so much to Kristina Cyr, of Kristinaartist.com, and the Iconic Voices Portrait Series, for her vulnerability in sharing the following…

Kelly introduced to me to Women’s Moon Cycling Work about eight months ago. We had spoken about her being a personal coach to me of some sorts. I had shared with her my pretty negative experiences with coaches in the past; and to some extent she had shared that her most potent role in my life could be one that helps me to become aware of my own personal cycles rather than a personal coach. So from there, for me, and for us, it took the “superior power” role, “I know and you don’t” or “that’ll be $10,000 please” out of the whole process. She returns it to the sacred feminine, collectively as women, reclaiming that spirit together.

Kelly had suggested to me to start journaling everyday. Just a little something, whether that be a doodle, sketch, picture, image, writing…whatever it was; just something to document, so that I could go back and start to become aware of patterns within my moon cycle.

The process for me at first was very sporadic, only journaling about a handful of days a month, but by the time I had hit month five and six. I was on it. I was journaling a little something everyday, and if I forgot on a couple of days, I would say, “Didn’t journal these days.” Or I would recall the important things that I could from those days. And patterns did start to emerge.

Later on in our work, around the same time as month five and six, Kelly and I started working together on a monthly basis. She shared so many incredible insights about being a woman, and our cycles, that I hadn’t known before or had read, seen or heard from any other resource. Kelly had asked me, “Are there times in the month when you just feel wildly creative and you just have all this energy and you can get a bunch of stuff done, and the writing pours out of you along with the insights. You can’t write as fast as the insights are coming to you?!” I said, “Yes!” And then she said, “Do you also have times in the month where you find it more challenging to do creative projects, like a creative block and don’t go out, and are more introverted?” And I said, “Yes!”She told me that’s how it is supposed to be. Kelly shared with me what she had learned and that as women we do have creative cycles and reflection cycles within our monthly cycle. It was also during this time that I had learned through my work with Kelly that the second half of my cycle is shadow time. And what that means to me is that there are some less than desirable characteristics, thoughts, feelings and traits that come to the surface and rear their little heads during the second half of my cycle. But with Kelly’s help I began to learn that this second half of a woman’s cycle, is a time that we have the opportunity to heal whatever is coming up and holding us back in life. A lot of that for me is healing around my ancestral lineage. And I have struggled with suicidal thoughts off and on since I was 14. I didn’t know that suicidal thoughts were a symptom of PMS until I started working with Kelly. And just coming to that awareness healed a bunch within me. I used to think something was wrong with me, but now I do see that my hormones are pretty intense and that having suicidal thoughts were natural. As cliche as that may sound, it took the significance out of these suicidal thoughts and began to diminish them greatly, which is a huge sense of freedom. I continue to speculate that the suicidal thoughts around my moon cycle has to do with me healing my past woman, ancestral line. The women on both sides of my family were disempowered in many ways, but particularly on my mother’s side, they were disempowered from expressing and exploring their creativity due to the men in their lives. I speculate my suicidal thoughts, that are related to my hormones around my moon, has to do with just that. And now I am aware that I do have the opportunity to continue to heal that energy seven generations back.
It is very challenging to put into concise words what my work and very little time spent working with Kelly has done for me. It has absolutely empowered me as a woman and I have accessed more self-love and gentleness with myself, especially around the time of my moon because it is not easy for me, but she helped me become aware, that it’s ok; and just because something is not easy doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with me. I have come to realize that if I was in charge of the world, women would not have to work during their moon each month, and there would be feminine supplies in every bathroom, it’d be a legal requirement as it is for handicapped stalls! I would also give pregnant women time off from the moment they know they are pregnant, if they choose, and give them 2 years maternity leave. What I have learned from Kelly is that she has brought me back to Sacred Women’s Wisdom. That there is Sacred Women’s Wisdom in our cycles and we are so much more powerful and have worked through very difficult times in our lives. Women are naturally warriors…..

Lastly, I felt like I was back in control of my life and body with knowing and being aware and consciously ebbing and flowing with my cycle. It made life much easier. To the point, now when one of my girlfriends is having a bad day I ask, “Do you have your period?” So far I have received 100% feedback of that being the case. So, if you are struggling in your life, I invite you to work with Kelly to become more aware of your natural ebbs and flows in your own cycle. With the great words of Jon Kabat-Zinn, “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” Kelly has taught me to metaphorically surf.

One more point I’d like to make. With my work with Kelly, I had my cycle calculated down to the day. I am a 28 day cycler. Consistently, on the dot. Because of my work with Kelly I was able to identify that I was pregnant after being only three days late on my moon. It didn’t come on the Friday like it was supposed to, I was alarmed right away. By that Sunday I took a pregnancy test, and sure enough, I am pregnant. I am currently almost 8 weeks along and look forward to a new journey with learning this brand, new cycle. (But I definitely miss the knowing of my cycle when I am not pregnant!) Surprise Auntie Kelly!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 xoxoxoxo

It is the full moon of December

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There are one million different things to tell you about.  My father’s camouflaged pajama pants, the pink-flush color my cousin Pat’s face turns when he is happy and his eyes are lit by music and alcohol.  The cut of my cousin Collin’s jaw, a primary angle that only models and men in the second and third year of their twenties maintain.

There are others, countless.  The softness of my grandmother’s skin.   It is so tender it feels moist as the dew of a new day against the back of my hand.  Branches bare against the wide, nude sky, how much this east coast nakedness winds my spirit so full that its toils of life become nothingness and spring backwards on itself, on the knowingness of life all over again.   The back roads, between Erika’s house and Deb’s, where once I grew up, where a million leafless breaths whisper ghosts names and bare to life seeds that will bloom once more come spring.

Justin’s eyes glowed in the street steam of St. Michaels, plates of shucked Choptank oysters a dollar a pop flowing beyond the heaps of his two hands.  Walsh danced at Cross Street for the first time, the Baltimore undercurrent alive in the cement, in the rain mist, in the thirty degrees coldness of our hands.  My cousin Erin, my uncle Tim.  

Eddie who gave me Emerson leather-bound, Erika who called having visited with him this morning, alive together, timeless, how Psyche speaks.

It is the full moon of December and what this means is a flash light, a round spotlight in to the darkest round dark of who you are.  I was awake for near three hours last night, the Solstice–or longest night of the year–approaches this weekend.  And I, first night of my personal moon last night, come to me as the moon herself reflects back the light of the sun.  

At the darkest point of the year we humans reflect likewise, too: the darkest depths of our unconscious or psyche draw near.  The moon illumines these parts for us right now.  This is a time when anxiety and tensions, even without the hustle of the season, are up, are closest to our surface.  A time when it is uncomfortable to be still.  

There is great peace in this knowing.  There is great medicine in surrender to this simple, natural, and cyclical fact.

Embrace your fears, embrace what tensions stir just below.  All is as it should….

These are the truths of your soul, where you still are meant to grow.  Let go of resistance and just be who and where you are at.  Give thanks, be gentle with your self, rest, rest, rest.  Give thanks, give thanks, burn candles and and remember your light, which shines ever on, deep within.

Women’s Mysteries: The Threshold Stage

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Last Thursday I felt my body ushering me into my threshold time.

Threshold means at the edge.  In this case, I use the word to mean being in-between two different ways of being.

One way is active, initiating, directed, this is called the follicular stage, the time of month when our sex energy is ovulatory and we are literally preparing to create or manifest.  We bustle and burst with life energy (unless our psychosocial programs, or beliefs, block our power.)

The other way is receptive, reflective, when our FSH-LH or follicle stimulating hormones and lutenizing hormones which stimulate ovulation have decreased, and the body prepares to shed away what it no longer needs.  This time, the luteal phase, lasts roughly two weeks.  It is meant to be more contemplative and inward, in line with the biological harmony of the body.

Between the two is the threshold, a state of being that is only a day or two long but that, as a first-day of Spring, Equinox baby, is a power-time for my natural circadian  cycle.  Knowing these unique parts of our personal biology is a part of wild women wisdom, the women’s mysteries passed down for centuries in sacred circle, lodges, and red tents.

Working with Threshold energy is a special experience, for it’s not one way and not another. This means there is great momentum inside that space, a lot of contained energy with special messages inside.  If we seek to be conscious of our own rhythms, and what the wisdom of our own deep messages from within are trying to say, it can be an incredibly intentive tool.

Many women lose their stride when threshold hits.  They move away from new projects, directions, or feelings of esteem or wholeness.  Many women I work with suddenly, at this time, become totally weighted down with tasks, responsibilities and often, an unconscious drive to need to clean the house.  Seriously!  This is a societal program they have adopted in order to keep them away from the naturally reflective and inner house-cleaning that occurs during the luteal phase, or second half.

I saw it in myself this past weekend…a crazed sense that there wasn’t enough time to get it all done.

I recognized it as the time to slow down, allow, and go within.  It takes daily attention to our soul work in order to see to it that we don’t fall in to programs, and derail our power, month after month, again and again.