wild women wisdom

All Hallows to Lunar Samhain. 2018.

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image, Mama Bones

by Tom Kuebler, at the IX International Celebration of Imaginitve Realism in Reading, PA

Random things I’m thinking on the start of Lunar Samhain (starts today is one way to see it because the moon becomes last quarter today): The academic field of dom culture professionals–I acknowledge I am parttalks about the swamplands as a collective place of painful, shamed feelings we like to, as humans, repress.

Thinking about the Baltimore basements and Clubs we used to party in.  Early 90’s.  Thinking about the low end of Maryland, Pocomoke, dark waters, cypress creeks and loblolly swamps.  Thinking about how we don’t, we will never, own the Land.

We are benefactors, for but a slice of a millisecond.  Make zero qualms about it, she will shake us off, come too much harm.

Thinking about the child that died.  As the arguments begin over suicide or lynching.  Thinking about the mass cultural trauma that exists indicative of our daily discourse.  A GOD DAMN argument over suicide or lynching?  Both epidemic of toxic proportions.  Lynching  a three hundred year old tradition that lives un-rectified in our blood.  In our bones.  In the LAND.

A child died: A mother’s son.   Our desensitization to cultural violence is preposterous. It is the un-rectified wound of the masculine house.

Our desensitization to not  acknowledging all individual’s rights to safety (I am speaking inherent civil or human, of the people for the people rights, as well as disavowing them the right to be heard and validated in their experiences, as well as one’s physical body not being guaranteed the right to safety because of opinions about their race, gender, heritage, sexuality, disability etc) is grotesque.

Cards come due.  Everything in my moon tending tells me Judgment is here.  I’d take heed y’all.  The wheels of Fate spin deliberately onward and we each co-weave as we choose.

Learn your family of origin and the stories that make you.  Go far back as you can in your ancestors and their stories.

Respect all stories.  Do not tolerate unaccountable hate.  This is a finely shifting line.

Remember, there is a relationship between grief and rage.

Choose mentors and elders, and know their stories, too.  Be accountable to this work.

Help people voice their stories.

Keep going.

Love truly is all there is.

Begin with yourself.  Begin every day, repeat several times a day, and follow this with behaviors of kindness and small regular routines of water, food, sleep, fresh air and other natural elements, humor, art, music, relations, and information. Be mindful of the information you consume and undertake to enjoy the work you do. Be gentle with yourself when you forget all of this.  Sleep and don’t get out of bed if you can’t.  Limit this to every so often.  Cry when you need to, for as long as you can, but watch self-pity and blame because they will steal a day’s worth of energy a day at at time no matter what.  Make still time to be quiet, or quiet time to be still, whichever you need.   Make good use of forgiveness, open-mindedness, and willingness to understand.  Also this won’t make sense to some but it’s helpful to be able to track time bc then you can track your intentions.

Cultivate the Sacred in whatever way is most meaningful and real to you.  In this you are cultivating yourself.  All is hallowed.

Keep going.

Swamplands can turn to like, oil, if you wanna hang metaphorically with me a minute. Like the kinda inner juice that optimizes your machine. Tap deep in to the deepest parts of you that you resist.  Do the work to transform.  Put your head down and do the work.  Find the people who support you in this.  Help them with their work, too.

This weekend is maybe the most vital dark moon period of the year to do this work.  Lunar Samhain activates a week from today.  Today begins all-is-sacred-week.

Keep your love light on~

Remember, the work is L O V E.

Remember, stories live in the land.

Remember, our stories are all we have~

 

To Rest & Poetry, on the Winter Solstice

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In Oregon the Breitenbush river is a color of steel-teal that exists no other place on the earth and this must be partly because of the non-negotiable trees.  It is easy to be grounded and feel at one in your place in a place like this.  It is easy to revere the miracle of dirt: seasons of evergreen, of winter’s death and dying on into spring’s plenty and rebirth.  Steps in the same dance.  Willamette!!  Land of gushing fat waters and springs, land of special color of trees.  You taught me long ago the way of tree breath. Fog drip drop drinking, drinking in-out rhythm of water-air.  How it feels when the trees give gifts of this.  Subtle pine touch.  The gentle sweetness of pine breath on skin.

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The new moon was Monday.  I was coming down from the Mountain which makes me laugh to write it but no for real, North of the Bay California on up to the Olympics, for me it’s one long extended two decades now of retreating then coming down off various mountains.  Learning to speak bioregion.  Unlocking the practical wisdom of the earth’s cyclic codes.  So yea retreating and returning at once, had to catch me a plane back to the east coast.

The dark moon phase, that VOID CHAOS SPACE of deepest dark, was this past weekend.

So this past weekend, as the daylight grew shorter and shorter towards the peak of our year’s longest night tonight!!–the moon fell to her darkest phase, hidden from the totality of the sunlight.  Sunday we experienced not the longest night of the year, but the darkest.

I was sitting with poetry in the Hot Springs on retreat with my brother Paul and Sita his dear love.  They are Creative Advisory members of the Free School and they held space for me at their home in mountainside to dip in to that depth of deep sweet, yummy darkness, inky blackslide into mountainside stone, inky slide into infinite space oh those healing waters of surrounding mountain chains.  Deep in, to do my own cleanse before winter~tonight~begins.

The dark, winter, death, the depths, dying.  The dark, yin, passive, rest, renewal.  The dark, anima. Realm of the Feminine.   What some Catholics  or mystics call Sophia. Gateway to the Soul.

Dark moon of the month on the dark moon tide of the year.  And into tonight, the longest night.  The entryway to Winter.  We move now North on the medicine wheel. At sunset tonight we tend this passing, and it is movement that will show itself if you get outside, or take time to soften and relax inside of you, too.  Transitory, transition.  IN Between Space.

I just adore that winter is North on the wheel because that is associated with forward direction.  And Winter’s element is Earth, and mama Earth at this time teaches us about dormancy.  So the true direction, our next right step together? North?  The needed ingredient for rebirth.

Let rest be our forward, healing direction.  

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Sacred Rest.  Sacred Rest and internal, deep reordering, metabolic stillness the thick softness of slumber to help us reset.

Winter Solstice is a time connected to the Divine Mother.  It is when we revere our matrilineal lines, and all our ancestresses.  The holy power of birth as Solstice is too the celebration of the Return of the Sun and darkness decreasing!  How only from the dark the light comes.  How this darkness initiation gives way to life, how this wisdom teaches of life’s changes, we celebrate the many small deaths, the space this creates, the room for new growth, ever onward in a long cyclic dance.  How the wisdom of the feminine is the wisdom of this fluidity, is the wisdom of the necessity of every aspect in the continuum. 

Demetra George reminds of the many names of the dark aspect associated with the feminine, and it’s a meaningful meditation for the year.  The world around, stories and cultural, sacred, and religious traditions root us to an archetypal realm full of depth for our exploration.  The dark feminine “is called Kali in India, Hekate and Persephone in Greece, Lilith in the Near East, Fresh-kigal in Sumeria, Morgana in Britian, and Hel in Scandinavia.  Moira, the Fates, the Fureis, Medusa, Medea, Crice, Nemesis, Nyx, the Gorgons, the Sirens, the Black Madonna, Cerrwiden, Nepyths, Black Isis, Oya, Coatlicue, Mother Holle, Baba Yuga, the Black Dakini, the Terrible Mother, the Bad Fairy and the Wicked Witch are some of her other names(p 29).”

Knowing my own dark feminine has meant courage.  Courage at night when I can’t sleep, in morning meditation time during struggles and prayers to keep my heart in the game anyhow, courage keeping my tongue in relationships that are hard.  Courage to challenge the self-thoughts of judgement and shame, the particular scrutiny of perfection addiction, that specific internalization of misogyny that only women can know.

My dark feminine knows what it’s like to live in a culture that says her stories are dark.  Are the dark reflection of society.  Are demon and dark, satanic or occult.  Are not allowed to connect me to my unique narrative and exploration, sexuality and emotions, sensuality and biology. Are used against me to keep me out of my own body, to marginalize being in my own skin.

The Dark Feminine Narrative and Stories, if we reembody them, or encourage each other to tap in and rewrite them as our own, we know what it’s like to live in a culture that calls this sin.

Embracing this kinda darkness requires the grit that only living with this kind of darkness could create!  We were made for these times.  Sing it from the hills.

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So I left the Mountain.  Left too the Oregon Coast where I was celebrating the wise women.  These spiritual, soulful elders that have shown me how to walk my walk a day at a time laughing and reveling, courageously cackling, all the way.  These elder wise women.  Time on the Mountain only counts when you embody it day to day.  But to do that the body needs time.  This Time on the Medicine Wheel leads us in to dropping in and relaxing. Celebrate.  Drop in and transition.  Drop in to bed!  Let the reset happen.  Man or woman, how does the feminine as sacred exist in your life?

I send my roots down to the Earth as the circle of the year turns us North and Winter here is barren and life lives underground. I root to my roots, send thanks and honor, prayers and love to the lineage of strong females whose lives and hands and hearts midwifed lives and hands and hearts that midwifed lives and hands and hearts all the way down to mine in a million different ways, that I do the same that I do the same that I do the same,

my dark feminine soaks in this infinite wish, and sends love~

To all beings blessings and love, in the light spiritedness and whole soulfulness, in the body, in the heart, of unconditional love may all beings be blessed and

WELL RESTED!

Happy Winter to All.

 

 

 

~    ~    ~

prayers and love to beth and paul h and ana and amy and kristina and jotto all of whom hit me up in the center of this reverie with poetry, prayers and love and prayers and love reader, to you~

Day of All Souls. Samhain Tide.

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Death has been a primary teacher for me.

This started when I was 20, that epic summer me and a bestie and a brother who’s now passed from drugs travelled an 11,000 mile circle around our country.  Two decades ago already.

A week before that trip started, a young man my brother and I grew up car-pooling to school, lunchtime swim sessions bologna sandwiches bmx bikes and saving the princess with, got killed in a gnarly car accident on the side of I-95.  My brother was invited to be on the trip in the car with him but did not go.

That tragedy shook us down.

A week after we lost him, right at the start of the summer on Solstice tide, my Grammy died.  She and my pop who died in 87 had this little two bedroom plus an attic house right inside the city line, Brooklyn Park, Bmore Maryland, USA.  They brought 7 kids and near three times the amount of grandkids to this world.

So between losing Grammy and our neighborhood homie, that summer I went on the road the first time death was running my ass down.

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Later, by the time I got the La Catrina put on my back, I was well versed in death wisdom.  I was sober by then.  I had buried countless friends to drug addiction and its associated physical and mental fall out.  I had also undergone a powerful inward transformation as the result of the end of a longterm romance. Endings are a kind of death.  That ending initiated me into the power of the Darkness as the realm of the Feminine.

The year I lived way out on the river to grieve the ending of that part of my life, La Catrina used to call to me on the river wind.  I mean it.  I was an english teacher to undocumented, mostly Mexican students.  I lived on the river and confronted who I am alone?  I was reading for the upteeeenth time Women Who Run With the Wolves, and in reverence daily with “my inner wild wisdom” as I’d taken to calling that endless, indestructible still point within.  La Catrina became for me that point of reverence, that river below the river, that ONE life that holds all.  She even showed up on an artist date with me, a ceramic figurine in a little store that used to sit on a corner at the docks in downtown Annapolis.  That figurine and a similar one sit atop my alter as I write this right now.

Death is our one fundamental truth as humans.  The only thing that’s guaranteed.

My embracing of this particular wisdom is the single motive behind why I jump into my life with passion and presence and vitality a day at a time.  It’s how I maintain loving as much as I possibly can.

The female body knows all about this metaphor of death, dying, decrease.  Our body’s teach us every month. Dark wisdom.  For the feminine, through the death, rebirth, life, death cycle our biology inherently experiences, holds all gnosis concerning the secrets of life.   In the soul work, the women’s wisdom soul work, we look at the parts of us we had to kill off to survive.  We embrace the healing of grieving for those old wounds and losses, and in that way, breathe life and living, rebirth, back into our heart’s broken spaces.

Today is an important day in the Samhain tide.  All Souls Day for the Catholics, this is the final day of the Los Dias De Los Muertos, the day in which we pray for the souls of our dead.

From the Wisdom of the Dark Feminine perspective, it is a power tide for naming our own losses to self, for both women and men.  A great equalizer, death or the Thantos archetype in the soul is part of the continuum of the balance of life.  When we embrace who we have become because of what we have let go.  And perhaps, who we are still yet to be by re-embracing parts of ourselves we killed off or forced away.

The full moon peaks this weekend.  Death on the medicine wheel reminds us.  What has been, is, and is yet to be all emerges from the same place.  This is a moon to tend this.

Samhain tide.  When we are called with reverence to the fleetingness of life.  To embrace, celebrate, grieve, give thanks.  And maybe?  To get real… That is a medicine of death and dying to me.  To practically look at the truth of things.  At what simply is.

When we give ourselves the freedom of this clean kind of looking at life, space is created because we no longer resist what we cannot change.  When we look at what is real then we can transform not what we see, but how we choose to respond.

A good meditation on the day of prayer for All Souls.

Lunar Samhain & Letting Go

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Nothing teaches you the patience life requires better than life itself.  A basic axiom that even kicking and fighting each of us are tasked to learn: Letting go. That is the medicine I am finding myself practicing this week, as we enter the stillness of the lunar reset, the void chaos-rest space of the balsamic moon.  I don’t know about you guys but my energy is sure on that wane.  Being reminded of the power and the struggle: accepting that over other people, and over the variety of possible manifestations of the future in the right now, I have no control.

Ohhh life!!  And how I’ve learned and relearned!  That in letting go, space is always created.  And spaciousness allows softness, tenderness, the capacity to move, to relax, to receive.  To grow…

This is the medicine of right now on the year’s wane.  This week’s new moon is the gnostic entry into the Underworld, the third and final harvest rite.  The women’s wisdom or celtic earth path calls this Lunar Samhain and the women in my women’s circle seemed all to resonate to the same theme: Finally, We Enter Darkness.  Sacred Invitation to Rest.

First, however, the pitch and UnRest!  Of Lunar Samhain.

Traditional Samhain, known also as the more mundane Halloween, is about the relationship between peak fruition of fertility into the lean of life force completing its whole potentiality by decreasing and dying. We hate death and dying, ward off the dark by dressing up as the creatures and monsters we fear at Halloween.  But what of the wisdom? What of the medicine of the dark?  Letting go and surrendering is a process of absorbing and reflecting all at once, holding all the growth and reintegrating all of the different aspects this year of “Us”.  Accepting, no judgment, no shame.  All of the experiences that lived through you and who and how you’ve been shaped.   This is now a distilling process, clarification by review of all this, and release…

And that can feel tense, flat.  Still.  Exhausting.  Remember, it is the dark moon motion to hold us in a entropy feel.  The moon cycle that will come after will increase the length of nighttime darkness more and more until winter is ushered in.  For me, with a small gentle sigh and lean, it has felt like the active alchemy of opening my heart even though I don’t want to because it’s getting dark!! but trust is an action word, so allowing what I am carrying this year, all that I have fed and tended and grown, to fulfill its course with or without my control.

Patience, acceptance, letting go.  Lunar Samhain:  trusting the process of dark, of what we can not see.  Of the passive power of energy wane, of decrease… and renewal.marigolds

Harvest season exists the world around and is one of the most ancient of all rites. Every person every place has a place that raised her and as long as there’s been life on MaMa Earth, this holds true.  Her seasons move in increase and decrease, and so at Samhain we allow this letting go.  It is time too of the religious holidays of All Saints and All Souls Days and Sukkoth, as well as the reverence for ancestors and death as a divine power of life during Los Dias De Los Muertes, and is also connected to a variety of both ancient goddess venerations and modern agricultural festivals.  The weather changes, it is reflected in the length and depth of dark shadows, the steady motion of wind whisper in the tops of trees, the burnish bronze of late season light in the leaves and colors.  We go on hayrides, drink hot cider, pick pumpkins and other seasonal gourds.

I like the earth path because our custom as American’s is the Harvest tradition of Thanksgiving, but gently tending blessings and harvests now, and letting go and space-making through out the Fall usually helps me walk into the holidays mindfully and with minimal chaos.  This week especially we mind mind, note tensions and what is living, what is lost.  What makes us feel uncomfortable if we have to hold still!  We note life’s living/letting go wisdom, the transient power of bittersweet joy/pain over getting to experience without always being able to control.  When we consider the station of Fall and the West on the medicine wheel, we think of sunset, of that precious moment of last light on the horizon.  We recall that ultimately, all things pass.

And the new day will come again.

And so it is often my practice at Samhain tide to revere, among my blessings of the year and what must be let go, my ancestors.  When I remember those that are no longer here, I see the ways in which I am a living growing example of their seeds.  What a miracle this is, how I get to be tilling the ground for my own life’s accumulations and legacies tomorrow, and how none of that could’ve happened without my own ancestral and community webs.

From what and where do we seek our values, and how?  How do we practice this, and how do our energies align?  What is our legacy, what will we leave?  How do we repay the gifts our elders have bestowed upon us, and how do we practice accountability and responsibility to any ruptures, injuries, or wounds? To whom are we connected, and how?  Am I accountable?

How are my relations?  There is not a more powerful time in our history, as far as the four short decades I have been here that is, to ask questions like these.

The power of consciousness:  choosing to witness and be mindful in your own life.  To say thanks, to tend your tides of growth and release, of the season’s fruits being turned back to the earth. Marking with reverence the accompanying cycles of letting go, rest, renewal, death, rebirth.  Knowing that all we can do is be true to our own self right now, and take whatever small actions we can just for today, allowing the heart to soften into the knowing of right now is plenty, is enough, embodying such wisdom… These, the lessons of reflection put into practice as the natural season ushers in the Underworld this week with Lunar Samhain.  How that can burn, to open the heart in such a posture of releasing and allowing, how it can feel so counter to life’s frenzy, to pause right now.  Be still.  Be still with the wane.  The release. Acknowledge the power of the season of the dark.

 

 

I went camping to soothe my soul: Thoughts, Final Harvest Moon

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I walk a lot on empty beaches.  It helps me breathe from muscly places in my belly that otherwise I can’t feel because they’re so deep. So last Monday I guess it was,  walking along the roiled and wilen coast, beholding the brown and black and steel greys of Hurricane Maria’s deeps, there came this fleeting thought.  You could go camping Thursday, if so and so falls into place…there’s a window you could squeeze it in and camp until work Friday at noon.

I went camping because I could and because it meant forcing myself, because it’s lofty camping on your own, the reality of it, and takes work to follow it through.

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I set my tent on the bayside of one of our barrier islands that is also a national park.  Basic.  Satisfied.  There was a natural arbor of wild grape vines behind my little dome that opened into a wooded purple stained path leading to the water.  I cruised to the beach.  It was a gorgeous day, windy still from the passing of Maria, a storm whose effect was surged and shuddered oceans, thankfully no impact on our lil mid-Atlantic spits of swampy forest and farm lands.  It was 17 mph that day and the sea stacked her sets, breaking two and even three peaks one on top the other, crossing and cursing currents also ripped by longshore tides.  I got to the beach and no one was in and barely anyone was there.  Far out were two surfers catching nothing.  I used my fins to swim and the lifeguard watched from a truck for 10 minutes before leaving me to my whim.

By the end of the swim I was restless.  I went camping because care for my soul life and nurturing it is, at the end of the day, up to only me.  It is not a pill I can take, it comes down to how I choose to feed the parts I feel but cannot see.  I went back to camp, then walked out to the Bay.   I wrote just to write, the other sure fire practice that personally illumines my life, helps me feel like I’m living my hours in a way that’s more filled in.

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Now, it is harvest week, the last full moon of the growing season.  Growth: concept of momentum, of stored energy completing its cycles of motion, of sugared sun translating from storage to fruit.  The moon peaks full Thursday.  From there on the cycles wheel us deeper and deeper underground.

I spent yesterday’s quiet practice reflecting on all the experiences of the year.  It’s been a hard one. A flippen lot of pain, death and illnesses and other loss.  It has also been rich with celebration and good relations: women’s medicine, and being close to the earth, to family joy, to art, to nurtured time with dear friends.

And in all, deep-tilling the ground from which I’ll grow my dreams.

Back at camp, over the bay the sun dropped. For a half hour or so I beheld the experience, did nothing other than witness just to see how that would go.

Walking back to my tent was twinkly twilight glee, an energy pouring into and out of me like a child. The fire I built was from kindling I hatcheted myself!! I ate fish cooked over the grate and these two experiences alone fulfilled me like nothing else I can really say…

Then the stars, how every one that appeared signaled some new part of myself that showed up and I want it to be clear, how the glee passed and how uncomfortable that was, sitting still with the funked out shit of my personal experiences this year.  I sat and sat, unplugged 100% and decompressing from that, because I know unquestionably that while it isn’t always immediate: Nature heals the soul.

Eventually, many hours into the night, came peace, and the sweetness of being inwardly still, a being among beingness, with the burnt down embers of my fire and the marvel of all those specs of sparkle stars.

Nature restores my inward settings, it has yet again helped me process which is how I  keep moving. Of that knowing, and the reality for me this year that writing and creative downtime are not only non-negotiables but that this has zero to do with production for commodity value, I am proud to say my Harvest this year is part of my day to day.

I emerge this Harvest week sure of the same ol medicine.  The soul life is up to only me to tend for me, and its absence manifests in all ways physical and mental, of that it’s a guarantee.

That’s a lot of bounty I’d say, and so it was that Poetry came through to reflect it for me the next morning at camp over hot coffee and stunning late September blue, as Poetry expressing the Wild Nature does oh yes, oh yes it does!!

There is a deeper fact in the soul than compensation, to wit, its own nature.  The soul is not a compensation, but a life.  The soul is.  Under all this running sea of circumstance, whose waters ebb and flow with perfect balance, lies the aboriginal abyss of real Being.  Essence, or God, is not a relation or a part, but the whole.

From “Compensation”, in Essays and Poems, Ralph Waldo Emerson

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New Moon to Lunar Lammas, Healing the Feminine in 2017

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Ahhhh, friends.

What a year, no?  Our first moon cycle in 2017 inaugurated a man as the leader of our metaphoric house who bragged about the exploitation and objectification of the female body.  Our values supported this.

The normalization of exploitation in this house is unacceptable.

The female body.  The female body.  The female body.

How is your house?  How are you tending your one true sacred space?

At home–here on earth, our first and most taken for granted body–what’s it been like for you?  What level of your own shame stories, meaning your internal narratives about your worth, about being or not being good enough, about your rights, have you become more aware of this year?

How mindful of the stress you are carrying, its physicality, are you?  The stories that your body is carrying about you and your experience?

How well have you been at declaring your own right to your own path of unique heart, spirit, soul?

From an earth-based perspective, the growing season of the year relies as much on what has decomposed being turned under, transforming to nutrients, as it does on the potentiality of wild starry fruits blossoming from a single seed.  It is an endless continuum of stages and cycles, from dying and dark to birthing, blooming, fruiting, and harvesting, too.

When the moon is dark she is between the earth and the sun, and her other half sends the light of the sun back at itself.  We here on earth fall still in her darkness, a holding, receptive gravity.

The moon holds all, receptive and active.

When she is active or full she is at the height of light, actually reflecting the light of the sun back on us here on earth.

Between these two polarities are the fluidity of transitions of dark and light.  Metaphoric, yes.  And also cyclic and specific.  Both applications, and all their subtleties, are necessary.  Again, the feminine holds all.

From a menstrual perspective, we track our personal moons.  Chances are our personal moon doesn’t follow the actual moon.  So we use the moon’s phases as a metaphor to understand both the biology and psychology of the feminine psyche.

The new moon as metaphor is day one, or when we first bleed. When we first bleed, we are dying and birthing at once, as now we re-engage the solar or ovulatory, fertile aspect of our selves.  As the days of our cycle accumulate, we track where we are.  We learn to re-embody the fluidity of the inter-lobal functioning of the female body, for again, the feminine holds all.  For example, at stage four, the Gibbous moon, which can be anywhere from about day 7 through day 17 depending on your unique, beautiful and powerful body, we undergo an abrupt rise in the neuropeptides FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone) and LH (luteinizing hormone). There is a rise in estrogen level and left hemisphere brain activity and simultaneous testosterone and right hemisphere activity and increase in libido. Read Dr. Christiane Northrup’s Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom to learn more!  

Our discharge is known at this time as E-type mucus, which is when small tubules are present in our discharge that hold sperm!  This is us in our fertile, almost full cycle. At stage 5, our metaphoric full moon, G-type mucus immediately follows the release of our ovum, and this sort of mucus actually keeps us from getting pregnant.  Like the moon at her peak active phase when she’s full, our bodies too lean from our full momentum back into ourselves.  And so at peak fertility we start again towards the reflective, recycling, dark and dying phases.

The growing season on earth follows these 8 stages, too!

Lammas, again using the metaphor of the phases of the moon, can be understood as stage 6, the Disseminating Moon.  Like for the year!  Disseminating moon, according to Demetra George’s Mysteries of the Dark Moon is the “first stirring of dark,” when the seed has become what it was meant and the “life impulse must fulfill, distribute energy and disseminate and share the value of the meaning.”  From a menstrual perspective, it is “the luteal phase” when “we turn more inward, preparing to develop or give birth from something deep within ourselves.” (Northrup, 2010)

Disseminating moon is the fruiting phase, or harvest.  Whether an ovum has been fertilized, or it was the fertility of a new idea that peaked, maybe a transformed inner narrative, or however it was that you lived out this growing cycle psychologically, biologically, spiritually and creatively, the disseminating moon phase from a menstrual perspective is the fruiting time, our first harvest.  After peak fertility phase.

And so it is we celebrate Lammas, the First Harvest of the earth’s natural growing year.  People who tend these concepts, embodying them and staying close to nature, outside with feet grounded upon her and skin and blood and biology and body in one rhythmic inhalation exhalation of all that is, recognize this as connected to a variety of different anthropological rites.  Traditions the world over acknowledge with celebration the bounty of fruit on the vine at summer’s height.

From a lunar perspective, which for me is the feminine-embodied perspective, we celebrate Lunar Lammas when the moon is in the sun sign of Leo and full.

So, ya with me?  We learn to track the phases of the moon, and then to metaphorically apply these phases.  They can inform the dark and light aspects of our biology, and of the seasons of the year.  We too learn to hold all, to think quantum or multi-dimensionally, to hold our still point within, and All At Once at once!

Lunar Lammas is the full moon on Monday, August 7, this year.  Already the sun-made shadows of heaping breathy green tree walls here are muddled, that certain angle of soupy dark I so love.

Mind what this moon cycle brings.  It is your harvest.  What will you reap?  Mind what stories live, what experiences happen.  Mind your light and your dark.  Mind your experiences this month from a reflective viewpoint that holds the continuum of the year, all those spirals of moon around the far side of the earth and back to between the earth and sun, again and again.

What is illuminated under the active light of her reflecting back the height of the summer sun?  For that is what happens on Lunar Lammas.

Unplug from your computer or other e-devices.  Leave your phone in the car and get outside.  Restore your natural circadian rhythm from all that electronic interference.

Give yourself back to yourself.  Back to your body.  Back to the earth.  The natural perfect spheres of rhythm. Happy first harvest season friends~!!

To understand more, make some time and visit my Facebook page.  We will spend this month learning more about the moon’s 8 phases.

 

Full Moon and Healing The Story of Culture

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This full moon presents us with a reality highlight.  A shining on who we are in our most present, day to day, practical ways.

Who we are is how we Be.

Discernment can be tough when it comes to understanding what I mean.  Societal arousal is high.  The open, gaping wound of fear-driven, hate-talk projections can be so consuming We all easily forget that we co-create our experience, we are not victims, we are powerful not powerless, imagination is infinite and love is pure and transformational, we are responsible, we can begin within.

Nature teaches.  What we sow we reap, and this is what begin within means.

Begin within.  What stories do you tell yourself?  Literally, what does your self-talk look like?

Do you listen to your inner guidance?  Do you trust yourself?

Begin again.  Do you take time to feed yourself instead of over-caffenate? Do you constantly expose yourself to an endless steam of social media and click bait content, chemically co-creating your own addiction to hyper-arroused cortisol, your stress hormone?  Do you fall to sleep with your head wired to electronics?  Is it how you wake?

This also is food, what your brain, heart, and soul absorb.

Begin again.  How are your relations?  One basic tool I practice is that if my relationships with others are off it usually means I am not being accountable to my own relationship to my self.  What I don’t confront within myself I will act out in my relations.  This is called projection.

Baby steps.  Be gentle with self-truth.

How are you feeling and what do you need to be accountable to?  Meaning how do I feel, in my body, right now? What do I need?

Gentle, gentle.  Begin again:

People who come from environments where displacing their needs was the norm, like those who experienced normalized dangers like violence or poverty, who had an abuser in the home, who had untreated substance abuse in the home, were taught it wasn’t safe.  They unconsciously, through the normalization of this is not safe, learn that it is unacceptable to feel because to survive meant silencing or repeatedly ignoring the normal metabolic, stress-relieving processes of feeling.  Folks like this may struggle with the concepts in this post.

That silencing, that self-shaming, becomes a part of your chemical program.  It creates the perceptions you have of safety and the world around you. If these normalized traumas exist in the home, we call it systemic because it is of the family system.  If it exists in the community, we call it cultural.  There is almost always a relationship between one and the other.

What we don’t work out, we act out.

Woman as sexualized object is so normalized that we are accused of sexualizing our selves if we dress in ways that flatter our body.  Consider how normalized this dangerous ideal is of shaming the female body.  

This is crazy.  Name it. Feel it.  Break down patterns inside yourself that support shame.  Breakdown paves the way for breakthrough.

Woman as caretaker is so normalized that mothers and wives often believe they must carry the entire emotional reality of their children and husband/partner.  Consider how dangerous this is to shaming your own rights to your own needs, and how dangerous it is to the system because it teaches everyone that they don’t have to be accountable to their own.

This is crazy.  Name it.  Feel it.  Breakdown paves the way for breakthrough.

Often coming into real health for folks can first look and feel crazy!  Because when an individual starts to see that she was taught to participate in the normalization of negating her own needs in order to survive it can feel like she is going crazy. Breaking denial deregulates a persons entire reality.

Break down paves the way for breakthrough.

Healing is a process, health is a process.  Transformation happens.  Begin within.

Begin within.  Begin now.  What stories do you tell yourself about your ability, your right to meet your own needs?  About what you need and what would happen if you gave yourself the self-care you need?

This moon highlights the peak growing season of spring. Metabolic storages of sunshine getting ready to transform to fruit and bounty!  Begin again.  Tolerance and love can only be practiced when we are in the habit of tending it inside ourselves. This is an active energy moon, manifesting! Tolerate your truth without judgement.  Tolerate your own shame, your own feelings, any self-shaming stories or ways within you with the compassion you would give a best friend.  This moon WILL highlight (GROW)  whatever your energy level is…which is connected to your stress…which is connected to your self-stories and relationships…which is connected to how you feed your own needs.

Begin within: What are you exposing yourself to?  How can you reframe what you are feeling, what you tell yourself, to understand it as your own needs crying out to be met?

What is seen beneath this moon the elders used to say was prophetic!  This ain’t metaphysics hahaha!  Simply put, we are complicit: we are accountable to how free we keep the infinite source of our heart, our mind, our soul.  We are accountable to our choices and how they interconnect us in relationships.  Begin within, what do you sow?  How consciously, gratefully, joyously do you choose to take this one chance we get to live?  This moon is a spotlight into that.

It will grow us toward the peak of the light season–summer’s start.  This moon tide will hold us to ourselves, full moons bring the tension of more light, literally the sunlight reflected back at us in the middle of the night sky… Sunlight that increases until it pitches to its height at the Solstice, and after that–harvest or growth will be a momentum that we are already in the middle of.

So Now is a time to tend.  Now is the time.  Always.  Right now.  It’s all we have.

Begin again. Be gentle.  If you want to change the world, start within yourself.  Change happens within with the soft steadiness of love.

Happy Full moon, friends xo

 

 

Spring Equinox, on a Last Quarter Moon

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Spring Equinox is today!!

It is the Entryway into Season of Light.

Entryway a word I use specifically, meaning Threshold Time, time of powerful pause, when two states exist side by side.
At once we hold the Season of Dark’s end, right next to our Sacred entry to Spring.

The winter is our dark night, for all of us!

The Season of the Dark Night of the Collective. It is North on the Medicine wheel, aligned with the wisdom of death, dying, stillness, darkness, quiet, loss, letting go, grief and grieving, potentiality in its raw, unformed aspect. It is all of the space necessary to hold the birth of new life that comes with spring.

This weekend we are at the Crossroads, seeing backwards over winter, and forwards into the coming spring. Spring rotates us eastward, it is air which in March on the eastern seaboard brings me into my experience of fierce winds and change, and too lands me in the miracle of breath, of the knowingness of peace that comes when I begin within, with the simple, profound gratitude for that mystery which breathes me. It is birth, intellect, insight, seeds, innocence, foolishness, sweet~ It reminds us intuitively that with rebirth comes another season of light and fun, another season of the Sun.

We are at a Dual Threshold, for this Monday too, the cross-quarters of the Medicine Wheel intersect.

This happens because the Moon is also half light, half dark. She walks backwards towards her dark, while the Sun marches us forward into the Season of Light. walks us as Backwards and Forwards at once every so often, and from its tense momentum comes Birth. This is always medicine of the Threshold, which we call not just Entryway but Initiation.

As well, it is the Good Medicine of Spring. Birth. East. Dawn.

Free Association Meditation:
Make two lists. One titled Light or Birth. One titled Dark or Death. Remembering the Dual nature of Dark, to die and at once, to hold UnSeen the potentializing energy of what still shall be.

What words or phrases come out naturally under each title? What words or phrases, dreams or thoughts, feelings, instincts inform each title?

Hold Space for Each.

Is there a mantra that holds both, that honors the Sacred Continuum of how the two are connected? A sacred way which weaves more than one idea across the spectrum of letting go and coming to be? Which holds the true inner-outter diversity of Life? A sentence that claims what you want, see, or need? Create one or two.

Choose the language that best suits how you want or need to Relate to it. This is an Intention.

Tend your intentions as we move through the Season of Growth this year.

Remember, right relations begin within~With Wisdom, Comes Responsibility. Your own medicine is what is alive in your own life, a day at a time.
Be gentle, be good to you. When the light comes on, the dark dispels.
Love is all there is~

Don’t Let Them Tame You~

Women’s Mysteries: Ovulation and The Active Imagination

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Dualistic, or Self Verses Other, Thinking

We got here to this beautiful earth handed down human from human, parent to parent, earth to foot to heart to head, and back again.

We suffer a single wound through which all else arises and which, for centuries, has been largely misunderstood and thus continually misrepresented.  This wound is the wound to self or soul. Recognizing it as the blessing through which we are meant to evolve into our real, authentic self is a new way of seeing I encourage!

The psyche projects today its earliest understanding of dualistic thinking.  Mom and dad, good and bad, right and wrong becomes internalized as the right worldview.  Good behavior is behavior that gets positive feedback so all else is bad behavior.  This becomes an unconscious way we relate to the world!

The number one symptom of an individual acting this out is do do do, keep going stay busy and there’s not enough time.  To slow down, to live moment to moment, to embody soul feels wrong.  Why is that?  Because to slow down means sitting still with the internalized belief system that we are actually bad or wrong.  Which is human nature.  Christian mythology named it original sin.

“Fundamentalisms,” said depth and ecopsychologist Craig Chalquist, “flourish as eradigms end because people caught in and psychologically fused with familiar modes of thought and habit fight to avoid changing them.”  He is speaking of the industrial-era, mechanistic belief system that esteems dualism. Dualism underlies what depth, eco-critical feminists like Christine Downing or Susan Rowland called antithetical thinking or binary thinking.   This is the idea of self being separate from all other reality, rather than a point of reference amidst an autonomous sphere of which all of life is a part.  It sets up all base conflicts in existence, for example: if this is right for me than when you do it differently it must be wrong.  Which is the basic drama of childhood: reward for right behavior.  Creating an unconscious association of what is wrong…

As societies we create entire social systems out of this misconception.  It’s what happens when we cannot see life as a continuum of constant flow and creation, and our role as conscious creator inside of that.

Again, this sort of thinking arises out of our earliest internalizations of opposites, and concretizes around age 2 or 3 when we understand that I and my caregiver are separate, too.   Now man against man, man against woman, black against white, rich against poor, man against self thinking sets up.  Internalization of getting positive attention from the Other as confirmation for Self as Right sets up a lifelong tension, meant to be the doorway to the authentic self.  Jung called this creation of the persona.  Taking on the tension of the opposites, doing the work of self verses other, is how to individuate.  He said that individuation is our true life’s work.  To become who we really are.

Women’s Mysteries

Embodying the female menstrual cycle means seeking inward to the autonomous place from which Self arises for confirmation of our Life.  The menstrual cycle teaches life embodiment in the series of different energies that rise and fall throughout the month.  These phases of female biology move back and forth from being the subject, or in control during ovulation; to being receptive or the object, at the mercy of a larger biology (the right brain) during the second half or post-ovulation. The cycle embodies the deep knowing that we are life-givers, and too experience death or loss as part of the perpetual circle of life. This is supported chemically by the hormones that are released.  It is proven that the hemisphere’s of the brain stimulate differently according to where a woman is–hence the energy moves between the lobes of thought driven or creatively intuitive.  Women’s biology is equipped to learn inter-lobal being, or heal the damage of the split in the self.

The wound of soul is the wound of being split off from the autonomous, uncalculated depths of wholeness and endless continuum of life.

At ovulation, for women who suffer this soul-split within, it is likely that the old, internalized beliefs about what is right or wrong, what writer Julia Cameron called the Critic, will start to play through her head.  This is because the psyche, at ovulation, prepares the body to create new life.  So too new ideas are stimulated, new energies that draw us outward in a motivated, excited way…just as the cycle of growth in Nature or the phases of the moon teach. All is connected. But if the psyche, as most if not all do, has that split of internalized good and bad that is not being gently, daily tended and worked out, than ovulation can be a time of unnamed sadness or frustration.  It is literally the wound of soul trying to create itself anew but being stopped by the old beliefs that our true inner life and instincts that arise from within are wrong.

I know I am living in an embodied way when what Jung called active imagination, or fresh thoughts, ideas, literal images in my head or energetic new thoughts or words or poems are pulsing during ovulation.  I know I am honoring my truth, living my rich life in a present way from day to day.  I identify with this knowing as a feeling of being rooted deeply in the relational:  when I show up first to myself and it is a buoyant joy to do so.  From this joy space I can then use me as witness to see what is going on in psyche. In this way I recognize that from within I am both subject and object.  I see myself, and can see that I am doing the seeing.  In doing so I have a choice as to how I relate to me, to the “otherness” that I label or experience as good or bad, from within.  The choice is showing up with love and gentleness, compassion.  Whatever the tapes that play, the feelings or beliefs or thoughts that flow from me and that I judge or repress by not looking at them, judge or repress according to old associations of good or bad.  I show up to me and witness this inside, with love and acceptance. This keeps me present throughout the day. This softens the split. This heals. It’s quite simple.  I am healing the wound of self/other thinking by choosing to honor and fuse both within.  The heart is where this fusion lay.

Active Imagination at ovulation is a powerful archetypal tool.  Work with this can open our life to deep psychic mysteries.  In my experiences, the symbology at this time, and coming into relationship with it, can introduce us to generational and lineage themes that underlie our entire family pattern.  This is a rich and in-depth way to approach our life, our play, our being, our work.  Our true self.

Such amazing life this is.  So many, many tools and riches.  Begin, within!

Lunar Samhain.

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At this point on the wisdom path, I have no doubts: if I don’t tend the moons, they tend me!

This goes for my personal cycle (which we call our moon) as well as on the Earth Path, when the moon is symbol of the cyclical, in and out nature of the psyche.

The dark moon of Scorpio, which we entered tonight near 10pm here on the West Coast, signifies harvest season turned under… Lunar Samhain comes early this year, during a mercury retro too, so the elemental tension can feel very restless. Sit still with the longing and sense of change. Soften, be curious.

The season of the Underworld begins this week, the long slow hall towards the final moment of death and dying…only to be reborn again with the return of the light at Winter Solstice.   Extra rest, quiet time, laughter, and simple celebration nurtures us.  We count blessings, give thanks.  Of course unplanned–or chosen! time outside brings insight and whole bodied blessing. Witness nature in her succumbing. Walk. Laugh. Breathe.  Give way…we lean in to the dark now and do so willingly.

This is the part on the wheel of the year where birth, from what you’ve grown, is but a barely there hint of a dream. Because of the Mercury Retro, we are reviewing whatever happened in our life, especially your opinions of it, since summer solstice onward. The review is almost over, and the catalyzing intellectual energy of Libra which has felt stuck bc of the retro will blast through on the other side of the weekend.There will then come a lot of emotional processing, followed around Thanksgiving by a clarity of will and values, before we enter the deeper stage of restful sleep to prepare the soul for rebirth.

We burn lights for our ancestors now, as we are in the West or Reflective time of the wheel of life. We honor them, seek their vision, guidance, support.

With the solar eclipse as well, we take time to tend that in our day to day lives which we will consciously let go of now.  What will compost?  Later it will feed life, again.

For fun, note the weather of today when day dawned in your town. We can refer back to it as a symbolic starting point for your year, internally. As within, so without.


Traditional Samhain (Halloween) is celebrated at sun down. For thousands of years people venerated the Oneness of Life through its manifestations of living and dying and living again right here on earth.  I call this the Earth or Wisdom Path.  Post-Christian peoples assimilated Samhain as Halloween.  You’ve heard it said: the veil between knowing and not knowing, light and dark, living and dying thins as these realities meet in between. This is quite literal of the thinning of the line in Psyche of conscious and unconscious. My own sleep has been nothing short of magical all week!

It is time of Sacred Mother and All Souls. We enter with reverence this night! Happy Lunar Samhain. Begin within… where they can’t tame you!

alterAlter, Dia de los Muertos, All Souls, Sacred Samhain
Cafecito Organico, Costa Mesa, CA